I'm Not There

  Julie, get your white as death-chalky ass corpse in the car- now.   We end this year's festival the same way we began, with a teenage female centric coming of age film from the late 90's.  Coincidentally, both films also star the two breakout stars of the 90's show Party of Five which I never watched because at the time, the testosterone in my body would not allow me to be interested in such things. Back in 1997, the main reason I wanted to watch   I Know What You Did Last Summer was because of Sarah Michelle Gellar who I had the biggest crush on because she was so pretty and badass on  Buffy.   I remember thinking that the movie was ok but nothing really memorable.  I did notice all the gratuitous shots of  J-Love's cleavage but I couldn't care less because Sarah. Watching this in 2021, the movie feels dated and I notice now flaws that I did not notice as much back then.  If I was asked  to describe the dialogue between the teenagers in this film with one word, i

  Winners Only.  Bingo Hell is a random movie I saw while browsing the Amazon Prime horror section. I wondered how Amazon Studios and Blumhouse were going to make a horror movie about bingo. Even more interesting, I saw the protagonist Lupita was played by Adriana Barraza who I have only seen in Amores Perros.   What followed was an hour and twenty-five minutes of entertaining and inclusive storytelling that is fun but doesn't clearly answer an important question: What the hell is going on here? When we think of bingo we typically think of the trope of the senior citizens who are eager to sit down and play.  This movie deliverers on that to the degree that most of the characters are senior citizens, not Cocoon  old but still AARP members.  The characters are interesting, funny, brave and most importantly a family. They live in the town of Oak Springs which has primarily Black and Brown people with a sprinkling of Caucasian.  They all live together and are all friends but race does

  Evil Dies Tonight! *Unrelated Note: Before starting to write the below, I was googling pictures of the new Michael Myers mask because it is now my favorite Michael Myers look and I stumbled upon this . You're welcome.  There us no way to talk about   Halloween Kills without spoiling it and it's two Halloween prequels so take this as a SPOILER ALERT   which I wish other outlets had done instead of assuming everyone watches movies the very weekend they are released.  more and more each day I realize I hate people and if I could set Michael Myers loose on shitty online "reporting" I absolutely would. The Michael Myers in this movie would love it because the body count in this movie is very high. To think in 1978 he killed 3 people and 40 years later its almost nine times as high. This is really going to make Halloween Ends  a very intense revenge/redemption story. If I was a big geek I would tell you that I watched this movie at the drive-in and what a wonderful immer

  Rest...in..Peace Escape the Undertaker  is a fun interactive story on Netflix where the viewer can decide how they want the story to progress through a series of choices with their remote.  Netflix has done these types of stories before, the last one I can remember was Bandersnatch  an episode of the popular Black Mirror   series.  They also did a   Carmen Sandiego   episode but I didn't watch that because I'm not a child.  Fine, I didn't watch it because I didn't know it was out until a couple minutes ago when I was doing research for this post.  Regardless,   Escape the Undertaker   is a fun little movie that took me about half an hour to complete based on my choices.  Try it out. The story deals with   The New Day   consisting of Xavier Woods, Kofi Kingston and Big E as they try to borrow the Undertaker's urn in order to combine it's power with the power of positivity and become more powerful.  The Undertaker is reluctant and then the viewer helps tell the

  "It's a perfect night for mystery and horror. The  air itself is filled with monsters." The best horror movie ever created.  The first horror sequel ever.  The first feature horror film to incorporate comedic elements. The first film in my adulthood to fill me with emotion to the point of tears.  THIS IS MY FAVORITE FILM and every time I watch it, I am reminded of this.  Tonight I showed my roommate The Bride of Frankenstein  and he got it as much as someone his age can get it.  It probably won't be his favorite film but I am glad I showed it to him at an age where he was capable of understanding what's beyond what is being shown on the screen. I am not even going to talk about what the film is about because either you have watched it or you haven't and you need to go watch it (Watch Frankenstein  if you haven't already  done so, not necessary  but it helps).     I will say that there is also a 1985 remake starring Sting as Frankenstein for some reason.

  "You want something else to play with? How about a nice plastic bag?" Tonight I chose the movie  House  solely because I liked the box cover art and some things never change because I did that years ago when my friend and I rented  Dead Alive  because we liked the box cover art.  Come to find out, the image in the art work was nowhere in the film.  Long story short, this movie is best played during a Halloween party in the background by the drinks because it makes little to no damn sense.  While the credits are playing I got excited to see that Fred Dekker director and writer of The Monster Squad  a movie I actually enjoy, came up with the story for this movie.  H must have been drunk or on mushrooms if this is true or more than likely his original story was bastardized to the point that we got what we got. Somehow, this turned into a franchise and it spawned3 sequels.  they followed the   Halloween  approach where the third sequel had nothing to do with the story started h

 My family's always been in meat. Leatherface is such an iconic figure, one of the few good things to come from the stupid 70's. Not to be annoying but... I'm kind of a fan.  The way he slaughters nosy, entitled kids who should know better, his love of recycling and also his passion for making arts and crafts.  Thusly, when you know that you're finally going to meet Leatherface in a little over a week at Halloween Horror Nights, you watch the story of his life in preparation/  Not surprisingly, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre s till holds up almost 50 years later. From the opening photography montage with the familiar metallic cry to the frustrated chainsaw swings at the end, Tobe Hooper and Co really knocked this little independent film out of the park. i remember when I watched this for about the second time, I forgot about the nasty establishing shot with the "sculptures" and I could not finish my Turkey and provolone sandwich from Ralph's.  Two or three bi

You know, this is L.A. We should be learning Mexican or something.   "Tell me you're from 1996 without telling me you're from 1996."   The Craft  is one of those movies where I am constantly being reminded that this take place is the late 1900's. For some cool reason, a lot of American films from the 1990's realllly scream they are from the 1990's.  The fashion, vernacular, music and the budding cinematic obsession with sex.  My guess is that since the target audience for these movies was teenagers, they had to bat them over the head with ideas to remind them that these characters are "just like you."  Unlike today, teenagers in the 90's  were selfish, dumb and liked seeing themselves on screen.  (Rimshot)  Anyway, as someone who grew up in that era, there are times when all these nintety isms stand out more than the actual movie. Just look at the image above, it looks like it was straight out of a grungy music video and I can almost hear Ed

No man can stand against it alone. Something is out there... waiting. Since this weekend was Midsummer Scream: Awaken The Spirits AND I was able to find my Pumpkin Spice scented candles at the store, I thought it would be a good idea to commence Images of Fright Film Festival XII.  We've been doing this thing for over a decade now and it's kind of hard to believe my baby is turning twelve.   For the first screening of this pre-teen year, I originally wanted to exhibit a different movie but it was not available so instead, I chose something a little more low-key; Man-Thing. Man-Thing is a Marvel character and this is technically a Marvel film, although you have probably not heard of it and more than likely have not seen it.  This is one of the last Marvel films to come out in partnership with another studio (like  Blade   and  Daredevil)  before Marvel Studios collected the infinity stones and gained immense power and success with   Iron Man  in 2008.  The character of Man-Thing

 What if...? I just got done watching Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1987) again and among the many humorous and logical thoughts floating through my spooky skull, I came up with a theory.  What if this film was the first in a trio of a horror movie franchise?  Let's just pretend that the studio system does not exist for a moment and hear me out. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1976) An outer space plant viral life form comes down and takes over unsuspecting victim's bodies on Earth and replicates itself into clones of the original hosts  Only those who are aware of the phenomenon can see what is happening and try to prevent themselves from succumbing to this new virus/threat. One of the people who knew something was fishy pretty early on was Jack Bellicec played by Jeff Goldblum. In an early scene at a bath house, he notices a comatose man that has been taken over by the virus.  The man is covered in material akin to webbing or fascia that moves, this material grazes Jack'

  The Sadlot Around these parts, every year when Summer comes around it means two things; Halloween prep time is here and time to watch The Sandlot.  To this day, I have yet to be proven wrong on the following statement:  The Sandlot is the best Summer movie ever made. It's greatness is unparalleled and there are many reasons why it's such an amazing cinematic feat.  I could spend pages writing on what makes this such a great movie that still holds up but everyone has a personal reason on why they enjoy it.  I will say one of the things I enjoy about the movie is it's nostalgia factor.  The early 60's in the valley never looked so good, sucks about the last half of that decade though.  This then got me thinking on whether this movie would work in present day, and the answer is absolutely not.  Aside from the fact that a smartphone would instantly tell Smalls who Babe Ruth is and prevent the whole movie from ever happening, there are a couple things that would alter or e

  WTF Rachel? If I mention the Family Matters episode entitled "The Life of the Party" you probably wouldn't know it's from Season 2 or what it's about.  However, if I say "the one where Urkel got drunk" you will know exactly what episode I am referencing, and chances are, if you are a dude, you also have a prostate exam coming up. Old ass. The episode centers on Maxine being excited to have a birthday party.  Not just any party but what 80's and 90's TV shows refer to as a "boy/girl party."  Her parents apparently got new carpet and thought it would be a great idea to have their daughter's party on the roof of the apartment building instead.  Look at the picture above, the height of the wall is about 3 or 4 feet tops.  Max's parents didn't give a good damn about her or any of those kids. You're telling me you thought that inviting and letting loose a bunch of hormone driven teenagers on the roof of your building was a g

 Unresolved Trauma: The Movie Watching Malcolm and Marie has really messed me up which is unfortunate because It is 12:35AM and I was about to go to bed.   It made such an impact that I had to write something to expel some of the bad energy.   I think great art leaves a lasting impression and this definitely has done just that. It makes you think about what you were just put through and will give you a taste of anxiety if you don’t already know what that feels like.     I haven’t felt this amount of cinematic uneasiness since sitting through Uncut Gems last year.   Prior to that, I related anxiety to the helicopter scene in Goodfellas and just within the last year alone, these two films have made Marty’s movie feel like missing a math problem on a third-grade timed test.   I am not sure what that says about our culture or maybe my viewing habits.   In any event, Malcolm and Marie is reminiscent in tone to Marriage Story and Revolutionary Road .   Truth be told, I like to listen to

   I'm back witches!  Isn't that so funny and clever?  NO?  Then stop buying crap with stupid puns on it.  Anyway, just wanted to drop by and make my first post of the year.  Haven't seen you since a little before Halloween and there is a reason for that.  Trash ass 2020 and Covid took away a lot of activities and things to post about.  However, during this pandemic, I have been keeping busy and spending my time with someone.  I realized today that up until now, I have never been thankful for a person. Most of us have said we're thankful for family during Thanksgiving right before eating Cambodian food or whatever but this is different.  Seeing someone go out of their way for you will do that, sometimes to another damn state.  Being exposed to new things and ideas has always been important to me and now I know about Teena Marie and Aunt Kim.  Also, replacing crappy memories and experiences with positive great ones has been so good for my brain or soul or whatever.  Such